Hell Is For Some of You

I don’t know how much stock to put in one errant search query that led here, or the first link that comes up when you type said query into Google. But holy fucking hell am I mad right now. I may—repeat, MAY—have just nosed my way into two enormous spoilers. So let me say this once and again: Anyone looking for spoilers, don’t come here. Don’t click over here from your search engine. And if the person who did this time is reading this, I wish I could spit in your face and rob your parents’ graves. You people are an insult to everyone with hair covering their bodies.

I’m going to watch #52 and TRY NOT TO WATCH THIS AND ALL SUBSEQUENT EPISODES WITH THIS PREMONITION IN MIND. Then I will take a handful of downers, and hope that I can induce some sort of brain damage that will erase this entire experience from my head. If that happens, someone please delete this post. Either way, expect something long and literate tomorrow that sounds nothing like this.

On the bright side, at least there’s no way I can spend the whole season knowing my favorite Wire character is going to die. That already happened to me last time.

Oh and also, even if this wasn’t true, leakage sets up this paranoia-inducing conflation of speculation and premature reality. We can all think about what might happen, but at the same time, it already has happened. Who knows if this, or any other random plot detail about the series, is rumor or fact. It might well be that only one of these spoilers is real; in my current state, though, I have no idea but to believe them all. The existence of absolute truth is that kind of far-fetched bastard.

Yours truly,

The Angel of Nature

P.S. A reader has informed me that Tom Shales’s recent WaPo piece might be the cause of all this. So don’t read it.

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10 Comments on “Hell Is For Some of You”

  1. Pooh Says:

    The same thing happened to me last season, as somehow my blog got a search hit for “Who shot Bodie?”

  2. shoals Says:

    That Bodie thing happened to me too, and it’s what I was referring to above.

    The first disc of my screeners doesn’t play, so you’ll have to wait for next week to hear about #52 from me. Sorry.

  3. Mal Says:

    Hmm. I managed to scan the Shales piece3, getting the jist of what he was saying without reading anything that actually gives plot away. From what I see, he mentions the problems last season with episodes being leaked and the problem this caused, before then going on to committ the same fault himself.

    Oh, and he appeared to be talking about some s5 event in order to explain to newcomers the nature of the show. I see no reason why an event from previous series (Stringer’s death, say) wouldn’t have sufficed.

    I dunno, how hard is it to write a spoiler free article? Sometimes journalists amaze me.

  4. smperk Says:


    I hear what you’re saying Mal, but I read the first sentence of Shale’s paragraph, and cut myself off there. I should’ve listened to you Shoals, but couldn’t help myself. I’m afraid for what’s to come, but I guess that’s all part of the experience. As for what actually happens, I think I just cut myself off in time.

    Though, there’s no way telling how long that’ll last, unfortunately.

  5. F. Pants McFadden Says:

    The difference with the Wire is that the spoliers are very specific. It’s not a spoiler to reveal that the Sun is going to have sever tension because of corporate cutbacks. It also isn’t a spoiler to say that most likely, Carcetti will be making a run for the governor’s mansion and Naresse will avoid trouble long enough to be elected mayor. Those things all happened. So, along that vein, I would not be surprised if Bubbles dies – the real one did.

  6. Shoals Says:

    To the people whose comments I deleted, don’t get so close to actually talking about spoilers. That’s the whole point of this post. ONLY IN THE ABSTRACT.

    And yes we take that shit, and the show in general, way too seriously. How else could we write lengthy posts every week about a television program?

  7. Stay away from the article in Newsweek this week, too. The first sentence is a spoiler, and it goes on from there.

  8. Mal Says:

    As a serious point, perhaps this thread could act as a place for mentioning spoilers? In the “Don’t read page 13 of this months NYT”, rather than “OMG! CHRIS & SNOOP HAVE A BABY!” type.

    As a less serious point, here’s a pic of Dominic West with some truly awful hair. http://www.warnerbros.it/movies/rockstar/img/dominic.jpg

  9. Ramsey Says:

    Completely unrelated to the (text) content of this post, can we get some explanation as to that cat picture, is that real? dyed? it creeps me out.

  10. ryan Says:

    Should go w/o saying, but if you’re on the IMDB page stay the hell away from the message board section. Seriously, who the fuck puts huge spoilers AS THE GODDAMN SUBJECT LINE?!?!?!?

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